The Struggle for Faith
Faith is a gift from God. It is a perfect gift from the One who is perfect, but we are not. For us, faith can be a struggle, and it is so because of our sinfulness. Faith is not a statement of fact. It is not made manifest in the mere speaking of it. For most of us, our faith is found and nurtured most commonly and most powerfully in and through our willing struggle with God and the tyrant that is our own ego. But to be truly effective it has to be an honest struggle. We must be willing to “wrestle” with God.
There is an example of this in the person of Jacob in the Book of Genesis. Jacob’s struggle is an inner struggle with his own desires and his inability to trust in God’s promise to him. His faith in God can only come about when he is able to see and to admit to his own weaknesses, to see that God is God and he is not. One night, when Jacob is alone in his camp, he finds himself in an all night long, knock-down-drag-out struggle with a stranger, who we know is God. In the end, he comes away from that struggle with God, chastened, wiser, more humble, and the wound of his broken hip, the result of having been “touched” by God, remains a reminder to him for the rest of his life. What are we to take from this struggle?
Jacob’s struggle represents his inner struggle of faith, and it is very much like our own. Faith is a relationship with God. We know this struggle to have a relationship with God by the simple fact that our own human relationships often involve their own kind of faith struggle. We know that they can not thrive or survive without developing the virtues of humility and patient endurance. Jacob’s struggle with God is no different than our own. We are often guilty in our relationship with God of wanting to have things our own way, rather than His. Knowing this, though, challenges us to reflect on our own pride, our own weaknesses, faults, and failures. This is what can produce, with the help of divine grace, the virtue of humility that is necessary for a healthy relationship.
Faith in God, especially in the context of the reality of our own egos, can often be a great struggle, indeed, but it is a struggle worthy of those made to be children of God. Are we honest in our struggle to come to know ourselves, and to have a real faith in God? Are we brave enough to not only enter the struggle but to stay with it, even if it takes a lifetime? Are we humble enough to truly take on this infinitely important struggle with God? How do we do it, then?
We must enter into this noble struggle to come to know God each and every day with the humble awareness of our own weaknesses. We must finally come to recognize our need to be “touched” by God, just as Jacob was. Our effort must be one of total commitment and attention. And here is the paradox: this faith struggle cannot be fought without prayer, yet prayer, without a “mustard seed” of faith, is useless. In our prayer, especially in the most difficult times, we must remain aware of the fact that the inner struggle of faith is, more often than not, a battle between God and our own egos. That is the source of the tension. When we pray in humility persistently, our faith will not only be enabled to take deep roots in good soil, but God will water it with His generous grace and make it grow and produce fruits thirty, sixty, and a hundred fold. Let us, then, with courageous hearts, keep up the good struggle.
